


The 12 Signs of Friendship

by NarutoRox



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bonding, Christmas, Christmas Caroling, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Music, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Christmas Tree, Cooking, Dialogue-Only, Did you know there was this many Christmas tags on Ao3? Because I didn't, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Parody, Singing, Surprises, Team Bonding, The Twelve Days of Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 06:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5573806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarutoRox/pseuds/NarutoRox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Twas the days before Christmas and everyone,<br/>Was doing their best to have some Holiday fun.<br/>Trimming trees and holiday baking,<br/>Setting up lights and gifts for exchanging.<br/>Shikamaru decorates cookies, Naruto tries pudding;<br/>Sai's found the mistletoe, and Kiba really can't sing.<br/>But it all comes together, because in the end<br/>A holiday done right is one spent with friends.</p><p>Alternately:<br/>A Konoha comedy of twelve friends' hijinks at Christmastime.<br/>(Sorry, it was really hard for the author to make a summary that rhymed)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 12 Signs of Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> So...I realize this is a bit late - two years so, actually. ^_^' 
> 
> This was originally thought up in early December of er, 2013. Unfortunately it was way past Christmas by the time I got around to working on it, so I resolved to get it done before the next. Come the holidays of 2014, though, I'd barely scraped the surface of the story, and decided I'd continue working on it throughout the coming year whenever the mood took me, or I was stuck on something else, and post it at the beginning of December this year. And, well.... *looks at calender* Yeah. Oops. ^_^' 
> 
> I was hoping to get it up before Christmas, buuut I got distracted with a holiday exchange, and just RL stuff in general. So, uh, better late than never? We'll just pretend I'm extending the holiday cheer, and hope you're not at the 'completely sick of everything Christmas stage yet. ^_^ This was a fun experiment for me either way, because I've never written a dialogue-only fic before.

xxx

_The first thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"Aw, look at all these Christmas trees! They're beautiful."

 

"Huh? Yeah, they're okay, I guess..."

 

"'Okay'? Really? Where's your Christmas spirit, Shikamaru?"

 

"Wrapped in ribbon and waiting to be opened on Christmas day, where it belongs."

 

"...You're always such a ball of sunshine. Killjoy."

 

"All I'm saying is, you already _have_ a Christmas tree. Why make such a big deal out of these?"

 

"Because they're here, looking all...Christmasy!"

 

"I don't even know what to say to that. They're not even decorated. They look like dying pine trees."

 

"Just looking at them makes me want one. I love picking out and decorating Christmas trees."

 

"I didn't know your thing with flowers extended to trees."

 

"Surely _somebody_ we know still needs one..."

 

"Are you even listening to me?"

 

"Hey, do you think Naruto has a tree yet?"

 

"What? No, he never...have you been in his apartment? There's not exactly room- Ino, _no ._ "

 

"We should get him one!"

 

" _No_."

 

"We'll surprise him!"

 

"With a _tree_ _?_!"

 

"We can help decorate it and make a party out of it!"

 

"Aw, no, come on… Choji, help me out here!"

 

"...I think that sounds like fun."

 

" _What_?!"

 

"Ha! It's settled. Choji, you come with me and help pick out a tree; Shikamaru, you go get the others and tell them to meet us here."

 

"No, guys, we can't - Ino? Gah, no one listens to me. How troublesome..."

 

* * *

 

xxx

_The second thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Setting up some lights_

xxx

 

"So… where do we start, sensei?"

 

"Uh, the… big ones, maybe?"

 

"'Maybe'?"

 

"Or perhaps we should do the little ones first, then the big ones..."

 

"...Well, how do you usually do it?"

 

"Er..."

 

"You've never done this before, have you?"

 

"I, well, yeah I mean- no, not really."

 

"What?! But you sounded so sure of yourself yesterday, Iruka-sensei!"

 

"Yeah, well… it's hard to be the wet blanket when you sound so excited, Naruto."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Never mind."

 

"So anyway, you really have no idea where to start?"

 

"Not a clue. Can't be that hard, though. We're ninja, we can handle it."

 

"I think you start by untangling the strings of lights."

 

"Holy-!" *thunk*

 

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! Don't sneak up on people!"

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"Hey guys! Over here!"

 

"Ino! Did you already pick out the tree?"

 

"Sure did. Choji is bringing it around- ah, here he is. Ta-da!"

 

"Uh..."

 

"Er, isn't it a little… big?"

 

"What? No, it's perfect! Excellent color, full..."

 

"That is _not_ going to fit in Naruto's apartment."

 

"That's what I said."

 

"Sure it will! Stop being negative and help Choji carry it. Now, what are we doing for

decorations?"

 

"Tenten and Hinata said they'd handle it."

* * *

 

xxx

_The third thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

"Tinsel! We definitively need tinsel."

 

"O-okay...um, silver or gold?"

 

"Silver, but gold garland. That way we'll get both colors and it won't clash."

 

"Oh, okay. You're very good at this, Tenten. Um, which ornaments do you think Ino will want?"

 

"Eh, who cares? It's going to be Naruto's tree, not Ino's. Which do you think he would like?"

 

"I-I'm not sure...what do you think, big brother Neji?"

 

"I think I made a grievous error in coming here instead of helping the others."

 

"So you'd rather be lugging a pine tree across town instead of shopping with two pretty girls?"

 

"..."

 

"Just carry the packages then, Scrooge."

 

"Fine." *sigh* "Just get the shatter-proof ones. If they're going into Naruto's home heaven knows

they're probably going to be broken."

 

"That's the spirit! Now, yay or nay on candy canes?"

 

"Candy canes are for eating, not decorating."

 

"What are you talking about?! They're beautiful on a tree."

 

"Until someone eats them."

 

"So? Gah, what do you know. Hinata, candy canes?"

 

"I t-think they're lovely..."

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

"I didn't know you knew anything about exterior lighting, Kakashi-sensei."

 

"Oh I don't, I was just passing by and wanted to watch Naruto fall off the roof."

 

"Hey!"

 

"Eh-heh… nobody is falling off the roof, Kakashi-sensei."

 

"You just did."

 

"Okay, well, nobody _else_ is falling off the roof."

 

"I'll believe it when I see it."

 

"What?!"

 

"...okay. Well, er, let's start by untangling these lights, like Kakashi suggested."

 

"Hmph. Fine."

 

"I'll start with these and you do the colored ones."

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"You know, maybe we would have gotten here a little faster if you had _helped carry the tree_."

 

"You guys were doing a fine job of it."

 

"I'm gonna-"

 

"Just leave it, Kiba. You know how she is."

 

"Yosh! Consider it an exercise in teamwork and stamina!"

 

"I really wish he'd gone with Tenten and Neji."

 

"Be nice."

 

"So. Now that we're here…  has anyone given any thought to how we're going to get in?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"The door is _locked_ , Ino."

 

"Er..."

 

"I have a key."

 

"Ha! See, Sakura has a key- wait, why do you have a key to Naruto's apartment?"

 

"Everyone on his squad does."

 

"That's odd. I don't."

 

"...He must have forgotten to get you one, Sai."

* * *

 

xxx

_The fourth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

"This is kinda fun. I've never baked Christmas cookies before."

 

"Of course you haven't, all you ever cook is instant ramen."

 

"Instant ramen isn't cooking."

 

"...You guys are mean..."

 

"Less talking, more mixing. Looks like your dough is ready to be rolled out, Sakura."

 

"Okay. Um, where do you keep the rolling pin, Ino?"

 

"Drawer to your left. Naruto, I think you can add the chocolate chips to yours now."

 

"I can't."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Choji's eating them."

 

"Choji!"

 

"I'm making sure they're the right kind!"

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

"We should probably get some popcorn, too."

 

"Let's just concentrate on the decorations. I'm sure Choji will be bringing snacks."

 

"It's not to eat, it's to decorate with. For popcorn strings?"

 

" _More_ food as decoration? Absolutely not. It will entice mice."

 

"You can't have a tree and _not_ put up popcorn strings!"

 

"You most certainly can."

 

"Argh! Hinata, help me out here!"

 

"I-I agree with big brother Neji..."

 

"What?!"

 

"C-can we make paper chains instead?"

 

"Of course, Lady Hinata."

 

"So you think popcorn strings are stupid but you agree to paper chains?"

 

"Yes."

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

"Aren't these brand-new? How are they even this tangled!"

 

"I don't know… I don't think they were when I bought them..."

 

"You just made them worse."

 

"If you think you can do so much better, then you untangle them!"

 

"I already did. Iruka's strand was even worse than yours."

 

"..."

 

"You're something else, Master Kakashi."

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"Okay, I know I already said this once, but I'll say it again: This is not going to fit through that door."

 

"Yes it will."

 

"No, it won't."

 

"Yes, it will. We'll just have to do some pulling and shoving."

 

"Really."

 

"Stop being so pessimistic. Now grab a branch and pull."

 

"I don't think-"

 

"Shikamaru, after we dragged this stupid thing all the way over here we'd better damn-well get it

through that door."

 

"Thank you, Kiba. Now shut up, harness Akamaru to it, and mush."

* * *

 

xxx

_The fifth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

"I'm sooo glad we did Secret Santas this year. It's so much more fun this way!"

 

"If you say so...ugh, do you know how hard it was to find a present for the person I drew?"

 

"Really? Mine was easy. Who'd you get?"

 

"Hinata."

 

"What? No, that's impossible. I got Hinata."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Lemme see your card...yeah, see, you got Neji."

 

"What?!"

 

"Haha, the ink smudged out his name so all you saw was the 'Hyuuga'... uh, is something wrong?"

 

"Uh-oh."

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

"So how flat do these have to be before I cut them out?"

 

"That should be good enough, Sakura. I think Ino still has the cookie cutters."

 

"Hey Choji, where's the pinched cinnamon? And how much do I use? The recipe doesn't say."

 

"No, not 'pinched cinnamon', Naruto - a _pinch_ of cinnamon. Just a tiny bit between your fingers."

 

"Really? You're a good cook, Choji!"

 

"...Everyone knows that, Naruto."

 

"Oh."

 

"Leave him alone, Ino. He's never done this before."

 

"Yeah well - are you eating the chocolate chips again?!"

 

"...no."

 

"Ino? I think something's wrong with your oven!"

 

"What? Why do you say that?"

 

"There's smoke coming out of it."

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

"Okay, so, we've got the holly, all we need now is some ribbon."

 

"Ribbon? Why do we need ribbon?"

 

"I dunno, for bows and crap. It's festive."

 

"No, it's effeminate. Naruto is not going to want bows in his home."

 

"If he doesn't like them, he can take them down. Where did Hinata go?"

 

"I f-found some ribbon! D-do you think it will work?"

 

"...it's glittery."

 

"..."

 

"No."

 

"Agreeing with Neji on this one."

 

"...Well, _I_ liked it..."

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

"Okay! We've finally untangled them all-"

 

"If by 'we' you mean 'me'."

 

"And have a plan of attack-"

 

"They're strings of lights, what's there to attack?"

 

"So I think we're ready to do this."

 

"Yeah!"

 

"It alarms me how ill-prepared you two are...do you even know how you want to arrange them?"

 

"..."

 

"Okay, so we _don't_ have a plan of attack."

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"Pull!"

 

"I am pulling!"

 

"Well then pull _harder_!"

 

"If we pull any harder we'll rip the freaking branches off!"

 

"Gah! Okay, let's try a different angle..."

 

"Can't."

 

"Why not?"

 

"The tree is stuck."

 

"Balls."

* * *

 

xxx

_The sixth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

"~Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one dog open sleigh, hey!~"

 

"...it's 'one horse open sleigh', not dog."

 

"Really? That's not how my family always sang it."

 

"Why am I not surprised..."

 

"Okay, how about, um...ah! ~Dashing through the cold, in a one horse open sleigh-"

 

"Dashing through the snow."

 

"Huh?"

 

"It's 'dashing through the _snow_ ', not 'dashing through the cold'."

 

"But that doesn't make any sense. Why would you want to dash through the snow? Wouldn't that be difficult?"

 

"...not if you had a _sleigh_..."

 

"Oh. I get it now."

 

"..."

 

"Er, okay... ~Good King Wenceslas went out, once the feast was eaten-"

 

"It's 'on the feast of Steven'; do you know the words to _any_ of these songs?"

 

"What? But that doesn't...Oh shut up, Shino."

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

"What _is_ this?"

 

"A sweater?"

 

 _"_ Why is it _pink_?"

 

"It's really more of a lavender."

 

"No, it's _pink._ Why would anyone think I wanted this?"

 

"Maybe there was a mistake? I mean it's clearly a woman's sweater."

 

"Perhaps it's yours, and your gift is mine."

 

"I hope not, the cut would be completely unflattering on my figure."

 

"And it would look better on mine?!"

 

"Well - oooh, new weapons scrolls! Nope, this is definitely mine."

 

"..."

 

"Maybe it was a mix-up? I mean Lee just took off like a bat out of hell because he thought he was getting something for Naruto and it turns out he drew Sakura's name."

 

"So?"

 

"He got a frog lamp."

 

"...That's tragic for whoever gets it."

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

"Awww, they're all burned!"

 

"Gah!" *cough, cough* "Someone crack a window!"

 

"Naruto, how long did you leave them in there?!"

 

"It's only been five minutes!"

 

"How high was the oven?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"What temperature did you have it on, Naruto."

 

"I dunno… five hundred degrees?"

 

"FIVE HUNDRED?!"

 

"Is that bad?"

 

"YES!"

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

"Yes."

 

"No."

 

"Yes."

 

"No."

 

"Yes."

 

"No."

 

"D-do you two even remember what you're arguing about?"

 

"...Yes."

 

"No."

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

"You know what would make this go faster?"

 

"What?"

 

"A couple of my shadow clones."

 

"That's… actually a pretty good idea, Naruto."

 

"Really, Iruka? You want _more_ of him up here?"

 

"Oh come on, Kakashi. I think it would help."

 

"How long have you known him?"

 

"...longer than you. It'll be fine."

 

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei! Have a little f- waaah!" *crash*

 

"..."

 

"And you wanted _more_ of those on this roof. Really."

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"Okay! We can figure this out!"

 

"Where the hell is Neji when you need him?!"

 

"I _told_ you-"

 

"Shut up, Shikamaru."

 

"I think we're gonna have to cut some of these branches."

 

"No way! It was the perfect shape!"

 

"Then what do _you_ suggest?"

 

"Just climb out the window and we'll pull it back out from outside and try again."

 

"That's not going to-"

 

" _Climb_."

* * *

 

xxx

_The seventh thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Finding mistletoe_

xxx

 

"Hey Sai, look! Mistletoe!"

 

"Oh?"

 

"Glad we didn't get caught under it. That could have been awkward."

 

"Really? Why?"

 

"Well, you know the rule."

 

"What rule?"

 

"If you're standing under mistletoe with someone, you have to kiss them."

 

"...Oh?"

 

xxx

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

"~We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a merry good year!~"

 

"...'merry good year'?"

 

"Well...yeah."

 

"It's 'Happy New Year', Kiba."

 

"No, it's _Christmas,_ Shino."

 

"...wow."

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

"Naruto! Let me see the gift you got for our Secret Santa exchange, I think I got yours."

 

"Huh? But I already opened it..."

 

"Just let me...ugh, bright orange mittens?"

 

"Hey, these are pretty cool!"

 

"Only you would think that. Yes, these are definitely yours."

 

"Hee-hee, they're pretty toasty..."

 

"So who the hell thought it was a good idea to give me this horrible lamp?!"

 

"What horrible lamp? You're supposed to be getting a scarf."

 

"A scarf?"

 

"Yeah, a pink one with little blue stripes at the ends. I helped Shikamaru pick it out."

 

"Aww, really? I-wait, then why do I have this thing instead?!"

 

"What thing?"

 

"A-oh, never mind."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Nothing, nothing, just thought of what I can get you for Christmas."

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

"New rule: Naruto is not allowed to use the oven."

 

"Agreed."

 

"Hey!"

 

"It's fine, Naruto. Just… stick with the mixing and stirring."

 

"... _fine_."

 

"Great. In the meantime, we need a new batch of chocolate chip cookie dough. Think you can handle that, Naruto?"

 

"Of course!"

 

"There we go. Grab the butter and eggs. Sakura, get your batch ready to go in the oven. And Choji? Put down the chocolate chips."

 

"I was getting them for Naruto!"

 

"Sure you were."

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

"Fine, red ones it is."

 

"Good."

 

"Don't sound so smug. Now… hey, who keeps putting this glittery crap in the basket?"

 

"It's not _me_."

 

"Hinata?"

 

"...it's pretty."

 

"No."

 

"It's the devil's dust is what it is."

 

"But-"

 

"Lady Hinata, I'm inclined to agree."

 

"It's _shiny_."

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

"This doesn't prove anything, Kakashi-sensei! I tripped over something!"

 

"You mean the very lights you were trying to hang?"

 

"They weren't there a minute ago!"

 

"Just calm down, Naruto, accidents happen. At least the lights didn't break."

 

"Hmph. Thank you, Iruka-sensei."

 

"Now grab that end and pull, OH SHI-!" *clunk, clunk* *crash*

 

"Iruka-sensei! Are you alright?!"

 

"I knew I should have brought Tenzo. This is the most entertaining thing I've seen all week."

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

"Are you guys pulling yet?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"Are you sure? It's not even moving!"

 

"That's because it's _stuck_ , Ino!"

 

"I can _see that_ , Kiba! Okay, er, new plan: on my word, you guys pull and we'll push. Got it?"

 

"But-"

 

"Just shut up and PULL, Shikamaru!"

 

"Ino, wait-"

 

"Now!" *crash* *snap*

 

"Haha! See, it's free!"

 

"Yeah, but how are we going to get it _back_ into the apartment?"

 

"Um..."

 

"I think we used our youthful power a little too well. Do you think perhaps we should have pushed it back in instead of pulling it out?"

 

"...how is it LEE thought of this and we didn't?"

 

"That's what I was _trying_ to tell you."

 

"Shut up, Shikamaru."

* * *

 

xxx

_The eighth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Last-Minute Shopping_

xxx

 

“Hey, Naruto!”

 

“Huh? Oh hey, Shikamaru!”

 

“Hi, uh… do you think you could help me with something?

 

“Sure, what is it?”

 

“You know that Secret Santa thing we did?”

 

“...yeah…?”

 

“Well, I drew Sakura’s name, and I have no idea what to get her. If I ask Ino to help me she’ll drag me all over town shopping and make everything twice as complicated as it is. You know her better than I do, do you think you could give me a hand?”

 

“Sure!”

 

xxx

_Finding mistletoe_

xxx

 

“Hmmm…. more mistletoe…. oomph!”

 

“Whoops, sorry Sai. Didn’t see you there.”

 

“It’s alright, Kiba. Hello, Shino - oh dear.”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“I suppose if it’s tradition…”

 

“....?”

 

“Merry Christmas, Shino.”

 

“ **....?!?!?!** ”

 

“Holy-!”

 

“ _Woof!_ ”

 

“Well, that wasn’t so bad. See you guys later.”

 

“....”

 

“....”

 

“....did Sai just kiss me?”

 

“Uh….”

 

“And what did he mean, ‘ _that wasn’t so bad_ ’?!”

 

xxx

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

“~Da-da-da-dum, di-di-di-dee, do-do-do-doo~”

 

“...are you really just making sounds because you don’t know the words to that song?”

 

“Maybe it doesn’t _have_ words!”

 

“You’re trying to sing Carol of the Bells. With _sounds_.”

 

“Carol of the what?”

 

“‘Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away’-”

 

“ _That’s_ the words to that song?”

 

“The first verse.”

 

“Literally nobody knows the words to that song.”

 

“....I’ll give you that one.”

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

“Yosh! But if you are the one who drew Sakura, and you saw Shino buying Naruto’s mittens, who was I supposed to get a gift for?!”

 

“Well, let’s see...Ino and Choji got Hinata and Neji, and I know Naruto drew Ino because he asked me what I thought of that vase. You said you saw Tenten with her gift and I know Choji got his, and you can’t have drawn your name, so… that leaves me, Kiba, Shino, and Sai.”

 

“Oh dear… that does not narrow it down much…”

 

“Hey, Shikamaru. I’m supposed to deliver this to you!”

 

“Oh, thanks… well, correction: that leaves Kiba, Shino, and Sai.”

 

“I suppose that is a little better….are those earmuffs?”

 

“...yes.”

 

“With antlers on them?”

 

“Every year! This happens every year!”

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

“Ino, what kind of cookies are you making?”

 

“Gingerbread. Why?”

 

“Oh… are you sure?”

 

“Yes, Choji, I’m sure. What’s the deal?”

 

“Uh, well, I just pulled your batch out of the oven, and, er-”

 

“These are spicy!”

 

“- I think you might have gotten some of the spices mixed up.”

 

“Shut up, Naruto, they can’t be that ba- _ulp_.”

 

“ _See_?”

 

“Milk, I need milk!”

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

“Okay! So we have ornaments, garland, ribbon, and all the bells and whistles.”

 

“I dearly hope you’re not being literal. The last thing Naruto needs is more ways to make noise.”

 

“So, what are we missing? Besides Neji’s Christmas spirit?”

 

“You’re still not funny.”

 

“W-well...we don’t have a tree topper…”

 

“Oh, right! How could I forget the pièce de résistance?”

 

“Well _that_ doesn’t sound ominous at all.”

 

“Neji, I swear if you don’t stop complaining I’m shoving the Christmas tree so far up your ass, we won’t need a topper!”

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

“Ow…”

 

“It’s fascinating how often you two keep falling off, what with you being trained ninja that get around via rooftop and everything.”

 

“One more word, Kakashi-sensei, and I’m throwing you off this roof!”

 

“I’d like to see you try.”

 

“Nobody is throwing anybody off the roof. Just, I don’t know, spread the lights out and-”

 

“How did these get tangled again?!”

 

“ _Motherf_ -”

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

“Ino, I’m begging you, let’s just go back and find a smaller tree-”

 

“ _No_! We’re keeping this tree!”

 

“Ino-”

 

“We will not be defeated by a _tree_ , Shikamaru!”

 

“Well, there’s always teleportation jutsu… Think there’s a way to summon this thing into Naruto’s apartment?”

 

“See? That’s the kind of forward-thinking we need.”

 

“For the love of…”

* * *

 

xxx

_The ninth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Decorating cookies_

xxx

 

“What a drag… how did I let them talk me into this?”

 

“Sakura and Ino can be very persuasive.”

 

“I guess it’s better than being in there and baking with them.”

 

“I’m not much of a cook, and this seems closer to my skillset. It can’t be much different than painting, right?”

 

“I guess it’s the same basic principle.”

 

“Just with icing instead of paints.”

 

“Are you actually enjoying this, Sai?”

 

“It’s nice to be included.”

 

xxx

_Last-Minute Shopping_

xxx

 

“A scarf? Really?”

 

“Yeah! Her last one got frayed, and I heard her telling Sai about one that caught her eye in a shop window.”

 

“Sounds simple enough. Think you can point it out?”

 

“Sure. Uh, by the way, do you think you could help me find something for Ino? I pulled her name…”

 

“Why not? Tit for tat. I’ve still got to find something for her, too. We can look together.”

 

xxx

_Finding mistletoe_

xxx

 

“Hmm, hmm… oh, hello, Neji. Tenten. What are you doing here?”

 

“Waiting for Lee. He’s gotten it in his head that he’s staying under the mistletoe over there until somebody kisses him.”

 

“I still think you should just do it, give the poor man a break.”

 

“Ugh, no, Neji, maybe _you_ should - why is Sai walking over there?”

 

“To talk to Lee? How shou- oh my.”

 

“Pffft-”

 

“YOSH!”

 

“....”

 

“....”

 

“...well, you don’t have to kiss him now.”

 

“Sai’s efficient, if nothing else.”

 

xxx

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

“Are you _sure_ it’s ‘on the feast of Stephen? Because that sounds like they’re eating Stephen.”

 

“They’re not eating Stephen, they’re looking out on the feast of Stephen.”

 

“No, see, it still sounds like they’re eating him. Now I’m curious: who was Stephen, and what did he do to warrant King Wenceslas eating him?”

 

“You’re reading way too much into this…”

 

“What kind of crazed, cannibalistic ruler was Wenceslas?”

 

“He wasn’t a cannibal, they were eating _food_ , not people. Why are we even talking about this...?”

 

“So was Stephen a pig or a boar? A cow? A chicken? I’m thinking cow, because if it was a feast, one measly chicken isn’t going to cut it-”

 

“ _King Wenceslas wasn’t eating Stephen_!”

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

“I still can’t tell if my gift is supposed to be ironic or not.”

 

“M-maybe they’re for Akamaru?”

 

“Oh I know they’re for Akamaru, but the whole point of the exchange was to get something for _me_ , not him!”

 

“W-well, maybe…”

 

“Unless whoever it was was being a smartass and they _are_ for me...”

 

“I-it had both your names on it, didn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, but still - it’s a box of dog toys, Hinata!”

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

“What were you even doing eating the cookies, anyway?!”

 

“It was a broken one! I thought we said those were free game!”

 

“We did? Cool, are there any broken ones that aren’t Ino’s curry cookies?”

 

“ _Shut up_ , Naruto-”

 

“Ino, do you have another jar of peanut butter?”

 

“What? Yeah, I think so… what’s wrong with yours?”

 

“It’s empty.”

 

“ _Choji_!”

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

“H-how about this one?”

 

“Nah, too flashy. It’ll take away from the rest of the tree.”

 

“O-okay… oh, maybe this one?”

 

“Lady Hinata, we were firm on our stance on glitter.”

 

“But -”

 

“Neji’s right, it looks like a fairy threw up all over it. Oooh, what about this one?”

 

“It looks delicate, lovely, and breakable. In other words - it doesn’t belong in Naruto’s house.”

 

“Oh, come on!”

 

“We’d be sending it on a suicide mission.”

 

“It’ll be fine. And you admitted it was nice!”

 

“Yes, indeed. Too nice to die at Naruto’s clumsy hand.”

 

“ _We’re buying it_.”

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

“Okay… okay, you know what? We’re just… we’re just going to spread them out, here, and, and-”

 

“Iruka-sensei? Are you… okay?”

 

“ _I’m fine_.”

 

“Ah, well, this has been fun, but I think I’m going to go and-”

 

“ _Nobody’s leaving_ ! These lights are going up if it _kills us all_!”

 

“But-”

 

“Kakashi-sensei, don’t press him! Don’t you see the bloodlust in his eyes?!”

 

“...this isn’t funny anymore…”

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

“Bahahaha! Ino: one, tree: zero.”

 

 _“Ino_ , one?”

 

“What? Fine, whatever, Team Ino: one, tree: zero.”

 

“ _Team Ino_?”

 

“Just let it go, man.”

 

“Sai, do you have the scroll all sorted?”

 

“Yes, I’ll just have to summon it from inside. But, uh, do you think we should perhaps take measure-”

 

“Then what are you waiting for? Get in there and do it! The others should be here with the decorations any minute, and we don’t know when Naruto will be back.”

 

“O-okay…”

* * *

 

xxx

_The tenth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Jingle bell ringing_

xxx

 

_*ring ting ting, ring ting ting*_

 

“Hmm? Oh, hello, Miss Ayame. What are you up to?”

 

_*ring-ting*_

 

“Ah, hello Yamato-san! I’m just collecting for charity. Would like to make a donation?”

 

“Why, of course. Let’s see if I have any change...”

 

“Tee-hee, thank you! You might be my last one for a while yet, I’ll need to go help Father with the lunch crowd at Ichiraku before long.” _*ring ting ting*_

 

“Oh, I see… perhaps you could find someone to take your place?”

 

“What a great idea! You would do that for me, Yamato-san?”

 

“Er, what?”

 

“Thank you! What a kind offer!”

 

“I _really_ couldn’t-”

 

“Here, take the bell. Smile big, ring often, and remember - no checks!”

 

“What? Wait, I didn’t-! Oh dear.”

 

_*ring ting*_

 

“I think I was played.”

 

_*ring ting ting, ring ting ting*_

 

xxx

_Decorating cookies_

xxx

 

“Do you have anymore icing?”

 

“Red, white, or blue?”

 

“Any.”

 

“Oh… don’t you have a preference?”

 

“Not really. I’m just icing them, you can handle the detailed stuff.”

 

“That’s very kind, Shikamaru.”

 

“Whatever. Figure we’ll stick to our strengths.”

 

“Do you have any gumdrops?”

 

“Nope, sorry.”

 

“Didn’t we have a whole bag?”

 

“...ate them.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“....are you drawing a penis on that cookie?”

 

“It’s for Naruto.”

 

“Nice.”

 

xxx

_Last-Minute Shopping_

xxx

 

“Ack! It’s so crowded in here!”

 

“Yeesh, how troublesome… maybe we should go somewhere else?”

 

“But this is the place that had the scarf. We have to get it here!”

 

“Ugh, what a drag. Do you remember where it is?”

 

“Yeah, right over there, in the window.”

 

“Good. You go grab it, and I’ll find something for Ino.”

 

“Gotcha!”

 

xxx

_Finding mistletoe_

xxx

 

“Hello again, Naruto.”

 

“Hey Sai! Oh, yeah, I have something for you-”

 

“Alright, that’s- ah, look. More mistletoe.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It really is everywhere today. Here you go.”

 

“WHA- mfph!”

 

“Merry Christmas.”

 

“WHAT THE HELL?”

 

“Mistletoe.”

 

“MY MOUTH WAS OPEN, SAI!”

 

xxx

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

“~Now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding and a cup of good beer!~”

 

“....”

 

“....okay, what was wrong with that one?”

 

“It’s a cup of ‘good cheer’, not ‘good beer’.”

 

“That… what even is a cup of ‘good cheer’?”

 

“Something stronger than beer, probably.”

 

“Come to think of it, why are they asking for figgy pudding? Have they ever tasted it? I mean, it probably tastes better than Stephen, but-”

 

“ _Don’t_.”

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

“Hey, Lee.”

 

“YOSH! Oh, hello, Shino! Sorry, I didn’t see you there. You, er, frightened me...”

 

“I was just looking for you. Here’s your secret Santa gift, I’m supposed to pass it on to you.”

 

“Oh, how wonderful! Er, if you do not mind me asking, have you gotten yours yet?”

 

“...yes.”

 

“Oh. What was it?”

 

“An ant farm.”

 

“How… nice.”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Mmmm, that means I have gotten either Kiba or Sai…”

 

“Kiba already got his gift. So did Hinata.”

 

“Really? Then that means I must have gotten Sai!”

 

“If you want my advice, don’t get him mistletoe.”

 

“Yosh, you do not have to tell _me_ twice…”

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

“Ino-”

 

“Not now, Naruto. I’m trying to concentrate.”

 

“But-”

 

“Go ask Sakura!”

 

“She left to get some jam.”

 

“Jam?”

 

“For the thumbprint cookies. We were out.”

 

“ _Choji_ -”

 

“It wasn’t me!”

 

“But Ino-”

 

“Not now, Naruto!”

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

“Come on, let’s hurry and get back. The others are probably waiting on us.”

 

“If you hadn’t been so difficult, we’d have already been done by now.”

 

“Oh can it, Scrooge.”

 

“I-I hope we have enough of everything…”

 

“I assure you, Lady Hinata, we have plenty.”

 

“Yep, we should even have stuff left over! Hey, watch the curb, Neji.”

 

“I see it-”

 

“Excuse me-”

 

“ _Oomph_ -!”

 

“Oh no!”

 

*crash*

 

“....”

 

“....”

 

“....”

 

“Uh-oh.”

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

“Now why the hell aren’t the little ones blinking?!”

 

“He’s lost it.”

 

“We need an escape plan.”

 

“Maybe some shadow clones?”

 

“Good idea. You distract him, and then we’ll- _Ow_!”

 

“ _Mutiny_!”

 

“Wah! Kakashi-sensei, are you alright?!”

 

“H-he shot me! With the _staple gun_!”

 

“And I’ll do it again! Now sit your ass down and _make them blink_.”

 

“Oh God. We’re going to die.”

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

“Okay, ready?”

 

“Yeah!”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Go ahead!”

 

“Three… two… one… now!”

 

*poof*

 

*crash, thunk*

 

“Ah!”

 

“Oh shi-”

 

“A branch hit me in the face!”

 

“It’s _still_ too big!”

 

“What?! Let me see… oh.”

 

“Yeah, _oh_.”

 

“Erm… it is a bit… large, isn’t it?”

 

“I did suggest we take measurements…”

 

“Large? It looks like a giant bush. It’s too tall for the room - you can’t even see the top because it’s bent over, Ino!”

 

“Oh shut up, Shikamaru! We’ll just have to do some trimming. Hey, where are the others?”

 

“O-over here.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Oh for the love of… they’re trapped in the evergreen.”

 

“H-help…”

* * *

 

xxx

_The eleventh thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Eating figgy pudding_

xxx

 

“Hey Choji?”

 

“Yeah Naruto?”

 

“What’s figgy pudding?”

 

“Pudding, made of figs. Why do you ask?”

 

“It’s always in that one song, and Kiba said something about it, but I’ve never had any. Is it good?”

 

“Well…”

 

xxx

_Jingle bell ringing_

xxx

 

_*ring ting ting, ring ting ting*_

 

“Mommy, why is that scary man ringing a bell?”

 

“He’s collecting for charity, dear.”

 

_*ring ting ting, ring ting ting*_

 

“Should we help him? He looks like he really _needs_ it…”

 

_“I can hear you!”_

 

xxx

_Decorating cookies_

xxx

 

“Oh, great, now something’s on fire in there.”

 

“Should we go help them?”

 

“You want to be in the middle of that?”

 

“Good point… pass the sprinkles, please.”

 

xxx

_Last-Minute Shopping_

xxx

 

“Ah… I-I h-have it…”

 

“Me too… what happened to your eye?”

 

“Some lady tried to punch me for the scarf. I got it back in the end, though.”

 

“Oh, great… uh, I had some hair clips Ino might have liked, but that didn’t pan out.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“An old woman gut punched me for them. And I lost the sash I found to a determined fellow who threw an elbow into my kidney.”

 

“So we still don’t have anything for her?”

 

“Well… no. But that vase over there looks promising.”

 

“Huh? Oh, oh yeah! Hey, I could get - uh-oh.”

 

“What?”

 

“Three other people just laid eyes on it!”

 

“Then we have no choice. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ready?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“ _Shadow Possession Jutsu_!”

 

xxx

_Finding mistletoe_

xxx

 

“I’m sorry... ?”

 

“YOU SHOULD BE.”

 

“Naruto, Sai? What’s all the shouting about?”

 

“Sakura! Sai kissed me!”

 

“ _What?_ ”

 

“Pfft, are you serious?”

 

“Shut up, Ino!”

 

“I don’t understand why you’re upset… you’re the one who told me about the mistletoe…”

 

“I feel violated.”

 

“Oh be quiet, Naruto. Sai’s right, tradition is tradition. Heh-heh.”

 

“Thank you, Sakura. Ah, and now you’re under it-”

 

“Wha-?”

 

“Merry Chri-”

 

“Oh HELL no. CHAAAA!” *clunk* “Take that, you creep! Come on, Naruto!”

 

xxx

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

“~Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow~”

 

“At least you know the words to this one…”

 

“Hey, why do we sing this song at Christmas? It’s not really a Christmas song, it’s more of a snow song.”

 

“For the same reason people sing Winter Wonderland, I guess.”

 

“Yeah! It doesn’t make any sense… why sing them at Christmas if they don’t have anything to do with Christmas?”

 

“Because Christmas takes place in winter…?”

 

“Only the beginning. Really, I can sing those songs all season.”

 

“By all means. No one’s stopping you.”

 

“You’re right! I should sing them all the time now!”

 

“Please don’t.”

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

“Sakura, have you received your gift yet?”

 

“Yeah… why? _You_ weren’t the one who gave it to me, were you?”

 

“No, no, I got Shikamaru… I was just curious. I haven’t gotten mine yet.”

 

“That might be a blessing, Sai. You should see some of the weird stuff that got passed around.”

 

“‘Tis better to give than receive.”

 

“That’s the spirit.”

 

“Special delivery!”

 

“Oh, thank you.”

 

“Ha, see? Told you you’d get one. What is it?”

 

“....a paint by numbers set.”

 

“....wow.”

 

“I wonder if Shino will trade me his ant farm. I’ve always wanted a pet.”

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

“Choji, so help me, if you keep eating all of the ingredients, I swear-”

 

“Ino!”

 

“I said not now, Naruto! We can’t bake anything if you keep stuffing your face!”

 

“But I’m not-”

 

“ _Ino_!”

 

“ _What_ , Naruto?!”

 

“Hey, guys, I’m back with the ja- _Why is the oven on fire_?!”

 

“What?!”

 

“Waaah!”

 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you!”

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

“Okay, uh, don’t panic, we can fix this…”

 

“How?! Everything is broken! And we don’t have time to get new things.”

 

“Not _everything_ … see, your idea to buy the shatterproof ornaments paid off!”

 

“That doesn’t help us with the topper!”

 

“Stop yelling, you’re the one who dropped it!”

 

“I told you it was going to get broken-”

 

“Well, you were wrong. You said it would get broken at Naruto’s place, and we haven’t even gotten there yet.”

 

“Well-”

 

“I-I have an idea…”

 

“What is it, Hinata?”

 

“W-well…”

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

 

“It’s... marvelous.”

 

“Y-yeah! It looks great!”

 

“...and it only took us _all day_ …”

 

*click* “What was that?”

 

“Nothing. Vision of loveliness.”

 

“P-please put down the staple gun, Iruka-sensei.”

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

“Oh my God, you guys are _butchering_ it-”

 

“It’s the only way to make it fit, Ino! We tried your way, now we’re going to do it ours.”

 

“It’s going to be a sad stick by the time you’re done with it! At least stick with a cone shape-”

 

“ _We’ve got it.”_

 

“But-”

 

“Hey, what are you guys doing in my apartment?”

 

“Wha- Naruto!”

 

“Uh… surprise!”

* * *

 

xxx

_The twelfth thing at Christmas that sounds like fun to me:_

_Spreading Christmas cheer_

xxx

 

“Ho ho ho.”

 

“I think you need to put more feeling into it.”

 

“Ho ho HO.”

 

“Maybe not _that_ much feeling…”

 

“Ho ho ho?”

 

“Aaaand now you’re freaking me out a little.”

 

“ _You’re_ welcome to put on the suit, Kakashi.”

 

“No, thank you, I think you’re much more suited to it.”

 

“Ho ho ho!”

 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, Guy, but maybe you should do it louder?”

 

“HO HO HO!”

 

“ _That’s_ the spirit. Now, come along, the children await.”

 

“ _HO HO HO_!”

 

xxx

_Eating figgy pudding_

xxx

 

“Blegh, blegh, blegh!”

 

“I did try to warn you.”

 

“This is disgusting! Why did I think eating this would be fun?!”

 

“The face you made was kind of fun.”

 

“Blegh, I bet Kiba did this on purpose! Come on, let’s go find him and give him some!”

 

xxx

_Jingle bell ringing_

xxx

 

“...She’s not coming back, is she?”

 

_*ring ting ting*_

 

“....”

 

_*ring ting ting*_

 

“...Why do people always forget me?”

 

xxx

_Decorating cookies_

xxx

 

“Do these cookies taste like curry to you?”

 

“I thought we weren’t supposed to eat them yet?”

 

“They won’t miss a few, and besides, one of its legs was broken.”

 

“So you decided to eat the other one and make it a gingerbread… torso?”

 

“No. Now it’s a gingerbread... child.”

 

“Ino is going to notice.”

 

“Not if we eat the rest of-”

 

“Is that Ino yelling?”

 

_“It was Sai!”_

 

xxx

_Last-Minute Shopping_

xxx

 

“This line is taking _forever_ …”

 

“No jutsu or planning can help us here, I’m afraid.”

 

“We’re going to be here _all day_ …”

 

“How troublesome…”

 

“Yeah...oh, hey! Shikamaru, look at these earmuffs!”

 

“What?”

 

“Hee-hee… they have reindeer antlers on them…”

 

“No. Just no.”

 

xxx

_Finding mistletoe_

xxx

 

“Ow…”

 

“Didn’t really think that one through, huh?”

 

“I thought I was following tradition…”

 

“It doesn’t have to be a kiss on the mouth, you know.”

 

“...it doesn’t?”

 

“Nope. On the cheek is fine, too. Like this.”

 

“O-oh.”

 

“Hee-hee, Merry Christmas, Sai!”

 

“Th-thank you, Ino…”

 

“See you later!”

 

“O-okay…”

 

“....”

 

“I think I like mistletoe.”

  


xxx

_Singing Christmas carols_

xxx

 

“~ _Woof woof, woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof wo-of_!~”

 

“Akamaru has a better singing voice than you.”

 

“Shut up, Shino. I’d like to see you do better!”

 

“You can’t _see_ me sing better. You’d _hear_ me-”

 

“Why do I even talk to you?”

 

“I’ve been asking myself that all day.”

 

xxx

_Exchanging gifts with friends_

xxx

 

“Everyone is exchanging their gifts today. Though there seems to be some confusion as to who got whom.”

 

“Heh heh…”

 

“Why are you snickering, Kakashi?”

 

“What? Oh, nothing. I played a little prank on them, is all.”

 

“Prank?”

 

“Yes… I may have rigged a few pieces of paper to change names after a few days. Thought it would be funny, and keep them on their toes.”

 

“....you’re diabolical, Kakashi.”

 

“Thank you, Guy.”

 

xxx

_Baking up a storm_

xxx

 

“Aww, the cookies are burned…”

 

“Screw the cookies, how about my oven?!”

 

“Well… we got more than enough baked, I guess. We can just decorate the ones we have and call it a day.”

 

“Yeah… Shikamaru and Sai probably haven’t gotten much done, anyway.”

 

“Uh-huh, Shikamaru was eating them when I brought the last batch out.”

 

“ _What_?”

 

“Hey, how come he gets to eat them but I don’t?”

 

“ _Shikamaru_!”

 

xxx

_Holiday décor_

xxx

 

“Sorry we didn’t make it back before Naruto got here…”

 

“Nah, it’s okay. He seems pretty happy to get to decorate it with us, anyway.”

 

“Indeed. And he’s only dropped three ornaments so far.”

 

“Good call on the shatterproof stuff.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“The tree topper, though… that was brilliant, where did you find it?”

 

“Oh, that… ah, that was Lady Hinata’s doing, actually.”

 

“Really? It’s great! And very Naruto.”

 

“Heh-heh, yeah…”

 

“Should we tell her it’s an upside down ramen cup covered in glitter-glue and the pieces of the original topper we broke?”

 

“Most certainly _not._ ”

 

“Agreed.”

 

xxx

_Hanging up some lights_

xxx

  


“Ah, Iruka… I... _really_ hate to bring this up, but did you happen to remember to ask the landlord if this was okay?”

 

“....what?”

 

xxx

_And setting up a Christmas tree_

xxx

 

“This is so awesome… I can’t believe you guys surprised me with a Christmas tree!”

 

“It was nothing, Naruto.”

 

“Nothing? _Ow_ -”

 

“Yes, _nothing_.”

 

“Okay okay, jeez… We’re glad you like it, Naruto.”

 

“This is the best Christmas ever!”

 

“See? I told you he’d like it.”

 

“Heh, it looks even better with the lights you brought, Naruto. Where did you get them?”

 

“...I don’t want to talk about it. But how did you guys get it in here? It looks too big to fit through the door…”

 

“Ah, er, we have our ways!”

 

“Did you get Yamato to just grow it in here?”

 

“....what?”

 

“Yamato’s wood style? That’s what Kakashi-sensei did…”

 

“Yamato…”

 

“W-we could’ve…”

 

“ _Yamato_ ,”

 

“We didn’t we think of… _Ino_ -”

 

“ _Shut up_ , Shikamaru.”

 

~End~

**Author's Note:**

> See? We got there in the end - it only took me two years. X)
> 
> Thanks for reading, and happy holidays everyone!


End file.
